If I Had a Portal Gun

The best part of Rick and Morty is its exploration of the multiverse. The animated hit show boasts an unending array of parallel realities, some mundane, and some absurd. There’s one where everyone is an anthropomorphic wasp. Another where Tyrion Lannister is tall. If you can think of it, Rick and Morty has a universe for it. The main character, Rick, can travel effortlessly between these universes thanks to the portal gun. It’s a device of his own design which fires up dimensional gateways, with an iconic sound effect to boot.

Like any fan of the series, I’ve been thinking about where I’d go if I had my own portal gun. It’s such a tantalizing idea, being one push of a button away from any conceivable reality. Mata Nui would be high on the list, for sure. But I’m an SJW before I’m a Bionicle fan (if only marginally). So first I’d go collect some evidence for my deeply held progressive convictions:

  1. I’d start with a universe very similar to this one, except most people are gay. Society is constructed around homoromantic and homosexual norms, and the straight minority is struggling for recognition. To this universe, I’d bring a James Bond flick from our world. I’d show it to a couple of the gay natives, then hold my breath until the first complaint was voiced. “He’s so ridiculously straight.” “All they ever show is him flirting with women.” “I have nothing against straight people, but do they have to make it so blatant?” “The forced straight agenda detracts from the entertainment.”
  2. Next, I’d travel to a universe even more similar to ours. The only difference, in fact, is that the unanimously loathed Batwoman show (2019) isn’t about Batwoman at all. It’s about Robin, Batman’s adorkable male sidekick, and aptly named after him as well. Everything else, though – the writing, acting, and effects – is identical to our Batwoman. In this universe, I’d look up Robin on IMDb, and find it rated a serviceable 6.7. Not exactly high praise, but leagues better than Batwoman‘s current 3.4. All thanks to the gender swap.
  3. Finally, I’d choose a universe where people are aware of their bias. Where subconscious prejudice is recognized as the menace that it is. I’d stay there permanently, actually (with monthly pleasure cruises to Mata Nui). It’s not that I dislike my current reality – I’m just so tired of hearing about “forced gay agendas”, when there’s tons more forced straightness to be critiqued in our media. I’m so sick of people perpetually inflating the flaws of every show or film that centers on a woman. Oh, how I’d like to live in a world where we’re all wary of the seeds of injustice we carry, and don’t let them sprout.

I can imagine your disappointment, dear reader. You expected a post about Rick and Morty and got CW’s Batwoman, canceled Lego themes, and leftist speculative fiction instead. It’s a terrible trade-off, I know, and I apologize!

It’s not even the first time I’ve audaciously grafted an element from Rick and Morty onto a mess of unrelated ideas.


  1. Although I do not have the specific background knowledge in the world of films, your post makes the general theme (queerness inherent need of explanation and justification) interesting, by pedagogically bringing out, what I believe to be, some characteristic features, of a critical review of mainstream media. Or in other words, it’s a brilliant text, Ossian!

    Liked by 1 person

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